| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
intricate babbling (Haiku) by eunique you turbulent heart
give this fragile body rest
a stone's throw away
Up the ladder:
People vs Corps.
Down the ladder:
I⦠the blank paper of unsaid things
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: July 28, 2007 7:57 PM PDT; Last modified: July 28, 2007 8:06 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9525743 Overall Rank: 8750 Comments:
[8]
richa @ 85.210.158.56
|
31-Jul-07/1:54 PM
|
Reply
Haiku don't tend to have many syllables to play with so I would lose 'you'. As haiku are supposed to have two intersecting images I would say third line should read 'a stone thrown' to seperate it from the turbulent heart fragile body image.
125 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
