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I heart you (Free verse) by thetrev
There are words on the fridge, They’re magnetic. “I liver you, with all my lungs.” “January breaks 50% off…’‘ There are pictures of cats, newspaper cuttings with words and letters blacked out. “I stomach you, I do, but I don’t brain you. Lets skin. And glove your holes”. “Sweet, sharp, sophisticated and full…” No melon, no lemon, the fridge door has lost its suction, the light stays on. (Pictured above, dancing). There is inside, next to the peppered cheese, a gaudy matrioshka. (Despot daughter a mini-dictator). There is on her face a black moustache; it might as easily be snot, or a spot.

Up the ladder: Dancing for dinner
Down the ladder: Life

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 5.357609
Overall Rank: 3375
Posted: January 16, 2007 9:11 AM PST; Last modified: January 16, 2007 9:11 AM PST
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Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 75.82.85.162 | 16-Jan-07/11:26 AM | Reply
Would be better withoiut the "There"'s. i.e., "Magnetic words on the fridge"
[8] Shuushin @ 63.167.136.250 | 17-Jan-07/6:20 AM | Reply
not the usual fare, I like it overall. it either needs to be about a third shorter, or twice as long - you pick.
[8] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 17-Jan-07/12:32 PM | Reply
Pretty good, original. I like your nouns acting as verbs--they work in a weird and very cool way; it's what gives this a unique twist I think. Overall, focused, sharp, though the parenthetical bits distract, detract from the whole, I think.
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