| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
People vs Corps. (Free verse) by Jack Diamond We are the sensitive one's
one's who insist
the truth be revealed,
Not the one's who
polish and shine
so hard
the enamel comes off
We are the one's
with real concerns
survival,
common sense,
equality,
You want a fight
well you have nothing
fighting yourself
fighting a stanger
give it up
Thrones of stones
glistening light
that signals S.O.S.
-help me I'm pretending
So if you want
to pretend
play a board game
you buy at Target
not the game
playing people
at the board meeting
Public domain
will be open again along
with your empty chamber
between your bones.
Up the ladder:
Sun's color
Down the ladder:
intricate babbling
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: October 12, 2006 9:44 AM PDT; Last modified: October 12, 2006 9:44 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.9525743 Overall Rank: 8749 Comments:
[8]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
|
12-Oct-06/10:48 AM
|
Reply
Like the play of words in the title - corps/corpse. Could turn this into a zombie poem if you tried, still carrying the same message. Typo throughout - "ones" ("'" for possessive or compounding). I think there should be a comma in line 21 between 'me' and 'I'm'. 'Buy at Target'? Is there a pun there that I'm missing? Decent write though.
[n/a]
Jack Diamond @ 71.103.83.39
> Ranger
|
18-Oct-06/10:17 AM
|
Reply
I guess I'm not "one" for technicalities as long as my opinions are clear. I realize now that I approached this poem in a colloquial manner as though I was speaking to a friend about my view of a corporate drone - (person who works for corperations that profit off the low income individual).As for possessiveness: I think I would be more possessive if I didn't share my opinion, and I sure do wish not to own this opinion all to myself. I have talked with people who feel the same way. As for compound: I would have to say there is no mixed feelings, or two or more seperate things combined together, such as humor and appalling insensitivity. I'm just telling it how I see it. Thanks for giving mind to my poem...JD
98 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
