Islands

Member since 2004 · Posted 9 Oct 2006 · 2 comments

The river runs through us, Between us and around us, A transparent reminder of the life we should have led, My past, your future, divided, Unique to our life only, dreamt, I stretch out my fingertips to you, But you're too busy watching the water's edge, And I'm slipping quietly towards the deep.

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mean 4.33 weighted 4.92 rank 9449 views 111 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

2 comments

[6] Dovina 9-Oct-06/4:27 PM Reply

The opening metaphor could work, I think, if you held true to the beginning. But islands that slip, past and future divided, uniqueness to just your lives, dreamed - these things don't seem to work.

[7] Ranger 10-Oct-06/2:16 AM Reply

Figure out a fix for the stresses and the rhythm, and this could work.