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Visiting My Heart (Free verse) by drnick
The haunting concert hall, where stage lights echo the gothic architecture and the audience has died from sight. The ceiling bleeds with soft red velvet upon the stage of warped woods, where the ill-tuned orchestra moans melody. Three thousand dirty seats stare upon the sulking stage, like gravestones without history of a visitor. The windows behind stand like bullets to the sky -cobwebs to catch the glow of soft moonlight. Standing up, the chorus hits a poignant chord that almost scares me to my seat. With gargoyle faces they watch, I leave. Every step creaks, explodes and blasts off the arches and coves. The exit bleeds with crimson carpet cascading towards the stage. As I near the exit clear are the chords and loud becomes the voice. I rip open the heavy wood door and cannot be hear over the noise. Lights flicker and flash from the windows: unrest within. The chorus and band hold a single note-undying and certain. Outside the moon bleeds with white light and mystery and the sky remains black. To the fog-shrouded concert hall I will finally forever turn my back.

Up the ladder: Dream Wars
Down the ladder: Suicide Note(I Blame You)

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Weighted score: 5.1788044
Overall Rank: 4945
Posted: August 14, 2006 10:15 AM PDT; Last modified: August 14, 2006 10:15 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.140.158 | 18-Aug-06/10:04 AM | Reply
Cooool. You gave me an eerie feeling reading this. Somehow I felt like vampire was about when you say
Outside the moon bleeds
with white light and mystery
and the sky remains black.
[9] Ranger @ 86.131.57.9 | 26-Aug-06/2:52 AM | Reply
Darkly gothic, a couple of areas need a slight trim ('dirty seats', 'bullets to the sky' etc.) - mainly just word choice to keep with the very intricate theme. I do like the way that throughout this poem you give the description a stylish flourish to mirror the architecture. This is the sort of poem that a million goths would love to be able to write ;-)
[9] Wakeboarder20 @ 71.227.248.140 | 9-Sep-06/10:20 PM | Reply
Amazing imagery. Some of the best I've read in a poem. Very well written.
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