FM.PM

Member since 2004 · Posted 8 May 2006 · Edited 1 Jun 2006 · 4 comments

City lights flood the room Itâs been years since we could see Now youâre painted up in rosy hues Youâve always been beautiful to me Tonight weâll be on empty roads Beyond the cable lines Youâll fall asleep with subtle grin Iâll know that you are mine Chorus: All your songs I hated are still on my radio Iâm waiting, waiting for their spin Cause every time the needle, pulls me back to you Youâve always been my favorite phonograph Are you on your porch Painted in moonlight? Have you thought of me? Cold rivers in springtime Do you remember When things werenât planned? The odds were against us But we took a chance, we took a chance [Chorus] Windows down, voices loud [Chorus] I still know every word Iâll still sing every word Iâll be in my car Driving through the night Praying that your light Will be on Will be on

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7946 views 176 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

4 comments

[8] Ranger 8-May-06/1:31 PM Reply

I'm not sure where you're going with the rhyme scheme in this. That is to say, there are lots of '-ight' rhymes at irregular intervals but seemingly nothing else to carry the rhythm. You start with a solid rhyme structure in the first verse but then ditch it straight afterwards. That being said, of course, on the basis that I don't know what this sounds like when put to music.

I know this isn't your fault, but 'You're beautiful, you're beautiful' makes me think of that awful James Blunt song. What possessed him to release it is beyond me, honestly.

[n/a] oneglove › Ranger 1-Jun-06/11:29 PM Reply

so i changed the first two stanzas, which meant i took out the first stanza you seemed to like and removed the you're beautifuls you didnt. the main reason for changing it was my extreme dislike for the feel of the first two verses. see what you think.

[8] Ranger › oneglove 2-Jun-06/11:14 AM Reply

I remember reading the original draft of this, though I don't recall all the specifics of it. I like this edit.

[7] amanda_dcosta 2-Jun-06/5:48 AM Reply

Not too bad. It's pretty simple and I think goes along common time. I tried putting a tune to it and must say that it passes for a song though, if following precise rhythms, it doesn't fit in. I think I could give you a -7- safetly.