Poemranker [Poem: Awasa, Ethiopia by Beatriz Romero] [by Sunny] Thu Nov 21 14:34:03 PST 2024

I would advise the reader to look up this photograph for this poem @: http://www.picassomio.com/art/3263/en/ Excerpted from the Detailed Description: ââ¦photographs were taken over timeâ¦across Africa and Asiaâ¦Each image works at the same time in its individual right as a unique story. Its interpretation is open to the spectator who becomes co-author, and who broadens and or completes the voyage with their view.â She is color-blind dreaming, and her focus is blurred - everything in her peripheral is dangling by cornered twig eye lacerations, oblique in her blind spots, and the rough tree climb she braced for, felt like water soaked through the bark heavily when she haled her way up and up the trunk. She first looked to the sky. The Oz ceiling appeared to be quite encompassed with frustrations where the blanketed overcast lie flat on its back on the ebony horizon. Other parts of the sky were showing their sheet of mist, with the sun gaping through itâs teeth, settled and diluted by the fog. She is going to walk on this plain of sorts, whether it be water or sand or a morrow, all the way straight into itâs very eternity: a procession that might go until the clock runs dry if she just keeps onâ¦. Note: This is a huge metaphorâ¦or it can simply be read as my personal interpretation of this scene.

[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 8-May-06/1:10 PM | Reply

Well now. This definitely needs the reader to see the picture first, I'd say. I'll give it a 'first impressions' post this evening and return to it tomorrow in order to pick up what I miss tonight. First things first - great description. A couple of grammatical nitpicks: line 14 'its' and line 17 'its' again. Unless you're playing some grammatical tricks there that I haven't yet picked up, I think they need correcting. Also: 'haled' jarred somewhat. I think you're using it in the archaic sense for the climbing (I don't believe it's current meaning would work grammatically there, but again, I'll return to look more closely tomorrow) which goes against the otherwise very contemporary feel to the piece.

Right, meanings. I don't know the translation of 'Awasa', but it immediately made me think of a Steve Tilston song, 'Awasazi (Waterhole)' so my immediate assumption was that it was about either a waterhole, or about rain - particularly given the context of the picture. At least, directly about water in some sense.
Underlying meanings? Well there are plenty which I think could be applied in some form to this, although curently most are fragmentary. It seems like a 'life' poem, foetus-birth-first couple of days of life-childhood. That's what I'm inclined at the moment to say this poem's about (it fits with every stanza). Having said that, though, the picture is very ghostly and ethereal. This poem could equally be about death though, maybe starting the afterlife, particularly the ending of the poem.
Interestingly enough, I also read the first part of it as describing a raindrop falling to earth, either hitting a tree or being consumed by the tree, then being evaporated to continue the cycle.

Well, they're the first thoughts. With any luck you'll get a more complete commentary from me tomorrow :-D

Oh, before I forget - 'clock runs dry' = excellent image of an eggtimer with the sand, very fitting for the piece.

[n/a] Sunny @ 66.69.36.222 > Ranger | 8-May-06/3:12 PM | Reply

Impressive once again Ranger!! The tree: the tree of life (this part is by no means obvious), the sky> "The Oz ceiling/ appeared to be quite encompassed/ with frustrations where the blanketed overcast/ lie flat on its back on the ebony horizon./ Other parts of the sky were showing/ their sheet of mist, with the sun gaping/ through itâs teeth," represents life, good vs. evil. Evil being "frustrations...overcast," "lie flat ON ITS BACK..." I chose this misty representation to lie on its back as a submissive position to the "...parts of the sky were showing...the sun gaping through its (evil's) teeth"> the good. our battle through life (i chose the sky to represent) of the good & the bad.
"She is going to walk on this plain of sorts,...all the way straight into itâs very eternity:/ a procession that might go until the clock..." is ground, whatever your eyes might decipher it as, representing the eternities (aka - heaven, the afterlife, what you will..). You nailed it. Thank goodness someone will, ha ha...

-Sunny

[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > Sunny | 9-May-06/8:45 AM | Reply

I was thinking about this piece overnight and (as I need a break from reading up on Derrida...damn essays) decided to return. When I read this last night I didn't see good and evil explicitly; I did, however, see the ideas of our struggles through life which is pretty much inextricably entwined with the concepts of good and evil. Therefore your purpose in the piece does present itself, although indirectly. Having said that, I did note the eerie connotations of teeth and fog which bolster the differences between the two notions.
'Sheet of mist' I found fairly effective for the idea of old age bringing a perceptual veil; and as I mentioned above, the first part of the poem has a very sharp 'birth' feel, whereas the end is strongly 'death' related. As such, I would suggest here that you could change the first line so that the poem reads in a circular manner. Perhaps start it as 'Colour-blind dreaming, so her focus...' This really is a circle of life poem, so making it circular would, I think, work very well. And of course it's enhanced by the idea of rainfall; hydrological cycle.

Another thing that impressed me was that you stayed true to the stimulus material (a piece of artwork) by including so many geometrical terms. Peripheral, oblique, [en]compass[ed], flat, plain, straight etc. give a very mathematical (if you will) impression to the poem. This may imply that behind the layers lies the idea of a creator to the life/earth/time circles.

I have to get back to essaying now, unfortunately, but I can guarantee I'll be back to this one. Maybe this evening if all goes well and I conquer that dreadful dark lord - laziness...