Ranger9 May 2006

I was thinking about this piece overnight and (as I need a break from reading up on Derrida...damn essays) decided to return. When I read this last night I didn't see good and evil explicitly; I did, however, see the ideas of our struggles through life which is pretty much inextricably entwined with the concepts of good and evil. Therefore your purpose in the piece does present itself, although indirectly. Having said that, I did note the eerie connotations of teeth and fog which bolster the differences between the two notions.
'Sheet of mist' I found fairly effective for the idea of old age bringing a perceptual veil; and as I mentioned above, the first part of the poem has a very sharp 'birth' feel, whereas the end is strongly 'death' related. As such, I would suggest here that you could change the first line so that the poem reads in a circular manner. Perhaps start it as 'Colour-blind dreaming, so her focus...' This really is a circle of life poem, so making it circular would, I think, work very well. And of course it's enhanced by the idea of rainfall; hydrological cycle.

Another thing that impressed me was that you stayed true to the stimulus material (a piece of artwork) by including so many geometrical terms. Peripheral, oblique, [en]compass[ed], flat, plain, straight etc. give a very mathematical (if you will) impression to the poem. This may imply that behind the layers lies the idea of a creator to the life/earth/time circles.

I have to get back to essaying now, unfortunately, but I can guarantee I'll be back to this one. Maybe this evening if all goes well and I conquer that dreadful dark lord - laziness...