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Gale of Death (Paradelle) (Other) by MacFrantic
The eyes of my existence shift, The eyes of my existence shift, To look in Hope's aborted breath, To look in Hope's aborted breath. Look to existence of the eyes, Breath aborted in my Hope's shift. A thunderous gale of Death returns, A thunderous gale of Death returns, To shadow me in solemn shrouds, To shadow me in solemn shrouds. Death to thunderous shadow of me, Shrouds a gale in solemn returns. Under starless skies I plead defense, Under starless skies I plead defense, And pronounce unsettled dark my muse, And pronounce unsettled dark my muse. I muse under unsettled starless dark, Plead my skies and pronounce defense. In shrouds of my gale breath, Under Hope's muse I plead returns. Solemn skies of dark and Death. My unsettled eyes shift to existence, Look to pronounce the starless shadow, Aborted me in a thunderous defense.

Up the ladder: Disaster
Down the ladder: Some Poem

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8610
Posted: May 3, 2006 6:24 PM PDT; Last modified: May 4, 2006 12:00 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 4-May-06/8:19 AM | Reply
Another good paradelle, I'd rework the end of stanza two:

A Death of me in thunderous shrouds
Solemn gale returns to shadow

Or something like that.
[6] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 4-May-06/10:10 AM | Reply
"Billy Collins claimed that the paradelle was invented in eleventh century France, but he actually invented it himself to parody strict forms, particularly the villanelle. His sample paradelle, "Paradelle for Susan" (c1997), was intentionally terrible, completing the final stanza with the line "Darken the mountain, time and find was my into it was with to to"."

Hee. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradelle

That said, some decent lines in this, but I don't think the form, the repetition for repetition's sake, adds anything to the poem. Also, while I like the wordplay to a point, sometimes the meaning is pretty fuzzy. Probably was fun though. ;)
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