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Ever Felt (Free verse) by nightii Have you ever felt
the rush that comes
as the plunger
begins its
long slow journey,
feeding ungodly
orgasmic
ecstaty
to your veins?
Ever felt the burning
as the line
on the mirror vanishes
up the straw
buried
deep in your nose,
as your brain SCREAMS
through the day
at a thousand miles an hour?
Ever felt the
cold steel
of a forty-five
pressed
firmly
behind your ear,
sweat pouring,
stinking of fear
afraid the finger
on the trigger
might
twitch
too hard?
Up the ladder:
The Sky
Down the ladder:
Weep for Dead Heroes
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.071429
Posted: September 10, 2002 11:23 AM PDT; Last modified: September 10, 2002 11:23 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0522184 Overall Rank: 6817 Comments:
[8]
Tarquin De La Bog @ 62.7.132.22
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10-Sep-02/11:31 AM
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Reply
I like this. 8. The drug references are risque (have you ever noticed that people shy away from commenting on poems alluding to drugs?) but nicely done, and the final section ends the poem succinctly. The short lines add atmosphere to the piece. I'm impressed.
Oh I am afraid to comment because this poem is about drugs. Of it is risqu??. Jesus, Tar bog where do you live where they have that sort of fear. Well any, my problem is not with the subject but the fact that the poem is trite and one long rhetorical question. What are you trying to get at by asking the reader something? Especially when most readers will go, gee, no, why? Am I not hip enough?
T. de la Bog, I have come to realise, is not a human but a commenting robot, whose ability to comment comes from a basic syntactic parser and 20 years sitting in his mother's high school poetry class.
Also that capitalised SCREAMS is jarring rather than exciting. And have you ever felt this stuff?
I have now. 7.
Sheesh!
you hang with snipers? you might find good company. this is eery whiteman's talk..
OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVEN'T
interesting. I'd like these three images to be more intertwined, somehow. 7
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