poemranker ::Aisle by the bread counter by Caducus

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Free verse № 135541

Aisle by the bread counter

by Caducus

Member since 2002 · Posted 20 Dec 2005 · Edited 1 Sep 2006 · 3 comments

A child wandered through Aisles Trying to find his Mother A Mum wandered through Aisles Trying to find her son, And found him good as gold Leaning on the warm glass Watching loaves rise in the oven. Crying, She smacked him on the legs But he still watched the loaves Smelling the aroma of them And he remembered his Father Smiling.

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mean 4.00 weighted 4.95 rank 8874 views 314 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

3 comments

[9] Dovina 20-Dec-05/12:20 PM Reply
Finally, you're writing plainly, understandably, as if convinced. And still it is warm.
[8] zodiac 22-Dec-05/9:18 AM Reply
Don't randomly capitalize words.
[8] Niphredil 5-Sep-06/9:45 AM Reply
Nice, but why capitalize Mother, Father and Aisles? I don't get the connection. Besides, when you write "and he remembered his Father" it's got a priestly, not a fatherly connotation.