Sadness

Man, it seems like only last year New Years was something special something to look forward too something that was really grand ya know. It was, a new year, bright and shiny like a penny, or those new state quarters that everyone was so excited about a few years back. I mean streamers and hats and things that make noise just don’t do it for me anymore and I feel like somebody has stolen my magic out from under me and sprinkled it over some mystical body of water. I don’t like this everything seems out of sorts. What has happened to my holiday spirit? I mean, December is supposed to be happy and cheerful and at least, noticed. But I barely realized the holidays were hear this year before they slipped away.. Who was it that has flipped the hourglass of my life so that all the fairy dust slowly seeped out? Give it back - I will cry - if I ever meet them. - I want to feel the magic - I don’t like this empty hallow in my heart. What has happened to Thanksgiving, that not only don’t I feel thankful I don’t even feel. I could hardly taste anything, and the food wasn’t as filling and the talk wasn’t as interesting and the company wasn’t quite as good as it was the year before. And even Halloween, which is supposed to be such fun with candy and costumes and young children who feel like they are on top of the world for staying up late and being rewarded. Was dull and bitter not sweet like it was supposed to be. And I don’t understand what is happening to me, Am I really growing old so soon? Wasn’t it just yesterday I was a little kid? Wasn’t it just yesterday I had my whole life ahead of me? But now a days I feel like the pages are slipping away, and even my new calendar with a new piece of vocabulary for every day of the year doesn't have enough words to describe how I am feeling. I count the days ahead of me, as I try to plan my life. And it strikes me that even if it start everything now there will never be enough time. It makes me feel, all sad in side and that small lump of disappointment is sliding down my throat, as I bitterly realize that I can’t be carefree not even now. Man, I wish perhaps, that I could put a freeze frame on last new years. I had a book of resolutions then, all my grand dreams of what I would accomplish. Guess how many happened. This is growing up, I suppose we all must come to terms. But it beats the hell out of me how I am supposed to get over something like this something like realizing my child hood is essentially over.