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His Light (Free verse) by DevilBuni
There he lay dead and soulless; With wounds to his head and chest. Blood seeps through my clothing As I clutch him to my breast. Eyes frozen in an endless stare, But I can’t see him inside. My lip trembles as I tear – But I did not cry. My heart will never heal, From this fateful day. He’s still inside my soul And his light will guide my way.

Up the ladder: i realize
Down the ladder: Man Enough For Me

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.2
Weighted score: 4.904638
Overall Rank: 9847
Posted: March 4, 2005 10:04 PM PST; Last modified: March 4, 2005 10:04 PM PST
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Comments:
[5] crooked_smile @ 205.188.116.135 | 5-Mar-05/8:49 AM | Reply
ah, id say this is just a tab bit cliched, and the rhyming is stale and seems forced, you also spelled souless wrong i believe...the idea you are trying to convey are nice but I think you need to liven it up a bit......- 5 -
[4] that_funny_girl @ 205.188.116.135 | 5-Mar-05/9:35 AM | Reply
i agree basically with crooked_smile - but like it a little bit less - 4 -
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