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tears beyond hope (Free verse) by Mystifying
she calls him almost everyday and they talk about the deepest things hearing his voice makes her day he's the wind beneath her wings she counts on him more than he knows the guy is stable ground when she tells him things, they just flow and the love between them is so profound he makes her feel good everytime they speak and she enchants him so much he fell in love a day without eachother makes them weak then they see eachother again and have so much to speak of he says, "Baby I'll be there." and she knows that he will She's sure that he really does care and he has a place in her heart no one but him can fill and then another girl returns from his past of life this girl he cared so much for is cast aside the other girl had caused him so much strife but he still wanted her by his side so the sweet girl turned gloomny and gray and asked the boy,"What about us?" the boy didnt know what to say it took all her strength not to rage and cuss so she walked away defeated and alone from the only person she will ever love she walked in the suiting raging storm to her home alls she needed was that push and shove she got herself a rope, gone was the sweetness from her eyes she hung it high from the showerhead of the tub and it took her a moment to realize "I'm dying for unrequited love." He had went to her house the next day only to find the ajar he crept through the house fiding his way then called her name thinking she wasnt far as he stepped into the bathroom his knees nearly gave way he could still smell her perfume this is how she made him pay as they lowered her casket into the ground the tears came because he knew what she went through she gave him a love so beautiful and proud and alls he could think was,"I never loved her, I always loved you."

Up the ladder: great caesar's ghost
Down the ladder: I'll Miss You

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 43
.. 01
.. 00
.. 20
.. 11
.. 11
.. 11
.. 10
.. 34
.. 51
.. 24

Arithmetic Mean: 4.0555553
Weighted score: 4.055672
Overall Rank: 13336
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:14 AM PST
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Comments:
[2]... anonymous @ | 9-Aug-01/1:29 AM | Reply
Good poem, just fix the many spelling errors!
[2]... anonymous @ | 9-May-02/1:35 PM | Reply
Would have been a 7, but with the spelling and punctuation, it's down to a 3. The bigger problem though is the glorification of suicide, something that no poet should do. Suicide is never an option. Zero.
[2]... anonymous @ | 10-May-02/11:45 AM | Reply
The imaginative rhyming of 'perfume' and 'bathroom' was the highlight of this piece. Astounding work.
[2]... anonymous @ | 10-May-02/6:26 PM | Reply
really touching and profound -- not
[n/a] beakism @ 62.6.73.135 | 8-Jun-02/10:53 AM | Reply
I was very, very close to rating this a ten. But then I realised it was the most appalling drivel I have ever seen written. Maybe if you could spell at least two words right I'd have given you a one, just out of sympathy.
[1] jduzz @ 66.157.54.130 | 6-Jul-02/8:00 AM | Reply
I have one Question for this........... WHAT?
You did type quite a bit, so I gave your fingers a one
[6] forestchild7 @ 216.77.209.45 | 9-Jul-02/3:28 PM | Reply
pretty good storyline, and wording... work on spelling though please... keep trying though...
[10] shwenatjadeflower @ 68.12.149.5 | 12-Jul-02/1:46 AM | Reply
i dont think the spelling was that bad and it was wonderfully put together. a ten.
[1] AmericanWigeon @ 24.189.127.227 | 15-Jul-02/8:54 PM | Reply
ay yi yi...my eyes are bleeding...i'm sorry, this poem seems very heartfelt, but it sounds like a mix of one of those terrible poems that get forwarded via email and a really depressed teenybopper pop song.
[1] Venus @ 198.81.17.179 | 17-Aug-02/12:31 PM | Reply
Just perusing the Worst section for some giggles (thanks WFW & DA), and came across this literary masterpiece. I don't make a habit of commenting on pieces like this one, but I must say that this truly made me weep. 1/10 for the consistent usage of one of my all-time favorite words, 'alls'.
[n/a] razorgrin @ 142.166.107.159 | 17-Aug-02/12:46 PM | Reply
But what about htose other great words:"alot" (spelled as one word)and the endearment "Baby"? They deserve "laughed till I peed then booted the author in the buttocks" award too. "alls" is fantastic. i sport publik edekashun..
[1] Venus @ 198.81.17.179 | 17-Aug-02/1:07 PM | Reply
i all sew sport publik edekashun, butt alls she need is luv! I'm really just mystified that mystifying is spelled correctly. It's a mystery, a riddle, wrapped in an enigma. I think 'tears beyond hope' deserves a 'poetry beyond hope' award. Oh, this is getting ugly, I must quickly drain a beer now.
[5] PoeticDelicacy @ 67.82.187.3 | 21-Aug-02/9:31 PM | Reply
Spelling isnt that bad, but the subject is cliche. Sounds like a pop song/nursery rhyme. It's a whole lot better than the other poems here in the worst section, though
[4] emman @ 213.101.107.112 | 19-Sep-02/9:17 PM | Reply
good...but too many spelling errors !
[10] Dariana @ 172.155.195.61 | 6-Oct-02/4:57 AM | Reply
The spelling is of no big issue to me because I felt the depth of emotion displayed here.
[n/a] limonade @ 142.166.123.44 > Dariana | 6-Oct-02/10:17 AM | Reply
On the contrary, I think spelling is really important. No matter how good and powerful the spirit of a piece might be, it will get significantly less respect if it is full of spelling mistakes.
[1] deleted user @ 149.170.39.35 | 12-Oct-02/9:17 AM | Reply
Oh dear lord. You must be a teenage goth - there's no other explanation.
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