Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Three Daughters (Ode) by <~>
Three Sisters stand at the Center of the Seas Deaf to the Wind, unmoved by the Breeze Bloodless Arms stretched out behind Long strong Fingers intertwined Rock beneath them saved from sinking By strong Desire, a Trick of Thinking Taught long ago by a Father, dear Who sailed away, untouched by Care To seek a Dowry both fine and fair Which he would gift to the worthy Men His beloved Daughters chose to wed No Lover lures them, nor Sailor sways, No charmant Suitor will persuade Nor Ever lead these Maids astray They wait, they watch, they look for Signs, Other Pleasures out of Mind As ever-longer Days contrive To test their Fealty. Hearts alive And coursing strong, They strain for Strands of his oft-heard Song "My Daughters three When will it be That I at last Come Home to thee" The Morn he left, the Autumn'd come The Cold was nigh, Summer'd spun Her Gold all out. But Tide was fair Though crisp, the Air Three Gifts he sought, to please his Dears He smiled as he felt the Wind abate Prepared to sail to meet his Fate And took their Oath that they would wait For his Return, before they made Their spousal Vows. Possess'd of Will as knurled as Oak They have unfurled a steely Cloak That wears as Iron Only his Voice, his Face, his Name Will free them from this filial Chain Only his Return to them Shall loose them, set them free again A Father's Oath, "I will return" Has kept them so, their Faces turned To Depths of Sea when Night cries Loud And dark Caresses do enshroud The Forms of Mind, Heart, Soul; Three faithful, watching, hoping, hold To each other, wait for his Word: He promised them a Sign by Bird To tell of his Return On this, their hundredth Night of Silence The eldest Sister dreams: cold Islands, And there, a Ship, she's sinking fast Their Father in the icy Grasp Of Northern Seas She shuddered as the Surface froze The slowing Ocean drew him close As many Widows had been made In Northern Seas One final Omen did she see Before the Scry was lost at Sea: A Blackbird rose above the Frost; It called three times, to count the Cost O'er Northern Seas The other Sisters then awoke The Eldest swooned; their Watch was broke Their Necks they bent Their Hearts were rent In heavy Sorrow Heaven, split 'twixt Night and Day Wavered, as if held in Sway The Moon was high, The Sun was nigh, And so woke the Morrow: A Blackbird rose above the Dawn They knew at once that he was gone "Father!" keened the First; The Crow circled 'round. "Father!" cried the Second; The Bird continued down. "Father!" wept the Third; It dropt a Sprig of Pine. The Daughters bent to catch the branch, But lost it to the Brine

Up the ladder: Summer

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 44
.. 10
.. 30
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 25

Arithmetic Mean: 5.95
Weighted score: 5.9049454
Overall Rank: 1456
Posted: August 23, 2002 11:09 PM PDT; Last modified: August 24, 2002 1:07 AM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[10] god'swife @ 209.178.177.68 | 24-Aug-02/1:00 AM | Reply
I haven't seen such a pretty lyric since the French stormed the Bastille. May I memorize this. You will get all the credit. 10
[8] Frass @ 151.200.238.131 | 24-Aug-02/10:25 AM | Reply
Dang me, I'm just a foundering foole for this sort of poetry. If you just reeled this one off, Zzin, I'm gonna scream in jealous enviousity. Methinks you read...like, alot. Your capitalizing makes me wonder if you've hidden one more layer of riddle, or something.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 | 24-Aug-02/12:12 PM | Reply
Awkward, formulaic gushing - the best way to show your poetic appreciation!!
[8] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 24-Aug-02/12:18 PM | Reply
excellent ending z..really got me verklemt...love the noah-mediterranian mythos-british isle-mythos======your mad loom..spin on with your tangled skein...tom petty tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yes! 8/10v
[n/a] <~> @ | 24-Aug-02/4:47 PM | Reply
-=Dark_Angel=- --so, is this 'poemranker', or 'ranker rancor'?
no criticism on the poem? do your worst, sirrah. there are few spots i'm thinking of modifying it, and would like your opinion of the weak points. many thanks.
[n/a] <~> @ | 24-Aug-02/4:50 PM | Reply
h-verklempt is good. re: TP--i'm a little jealous. have fun. frass: yes... mrs. god--i would be honored. just keep your neck away from the guillitine while reciting it...
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 | 24-Aug-02/4:59 PM | Reply
Who the fuck knows what this site is... since you ask for my opinion, whether in jest or not, I'll give it to you. However, don't expect it to be insightful (and above all, try not to be constrained, since I have a nasty habit of dictating to people and trying to force them into playing by my petty rules). The writing is pleasing, and what imagery I can 'get' is interesting, but I don't understand what is supposed to be going on 'really'. I also thought the second half of the fourth stanza (paragraph, whatever it's called) is hard on the eyes. It reminds me of Erik the fucking Viking, or something. If there was a greased old man in the sea it would be better in my estimation.
[n/a] <~> @ | 24-Aug-02/5:16 PM | Reply
thank you. i did ask sincerely, and i tend to be unconstrained, mostly. i must sit with it more; there is something missing for me. i think you are right about 'what is going on'; i had an idea full formed when i wrote it, but i'm sure i didn't convey all the points i meant to. and now, back to our regularly scheduled programming....
[10] brazen @ 12.90.36.239 | 24-Aug-02/7:41 PM | Reply
i don't remember if i even stopped to breath while i read this...it flows like broken water, so this should be your child.
[n/a] Christof @ 195.172.133.226 | 28-Aug-02/3:13 AM | Reply
You have a unique vocabulary - 'charmant', 'knurled'. Beautiful stuff. I don't know if I'd want to keep archaims like 'twixt' and 'O'er' and 'dropt', but the aural music of this poem is lovely. This is like a Nordic saga, and that's A Good Thing.
[10] nentwined @ 192.168.0.69 | 11-Sep-02/1:09 PM | Reply
dude! that's really fucking beautiful. I'm not one to read through a long poem, generally, but damn. :) thank you. Sure, it's a bit overdone, and there are a few awkward scanning bits, but it's really fucking well done. (I recommend you try to publish it somewhere... nfg.ca would probably take it...)
[6] Nicholas Monson @ 195.92.67.69 | 4-Dec-02/5:25 AM | Reply
Too much a shaggy dog tale to qualify as a proper poem. But iit is well done nonetheless.
[10] Tintagiles @ 198.164.219.124 | 1-Feb-03/9:00 PM | Reply
That's really quite gorgeous. Or maybe it's jsut that I'm a sucker for that sort of story. Saying that something isn't a poem because it's a story is ridiculous -- among other things, it means that the Divine Comedy isn't poetry. And you use archaic words, which is also good. Full cheers, dammit.
[n/a] <~> @ 67.84.171.238 > Tintagiles | 1-Feb-03/9:27 PM | Reply
i need an edit on it, tint. wanna throw down on this one?
mark it up, and email it to me. you're versant in this tone. i'd appreciate the help. the criticism i have received is that it needs help with the rhythm, and that it either needs to be a) more specific--more detailed or b) less specific--more mythic. feel like tackling it?

[10] Tintagiles @ 207.179.183.231 > <~> | 7-Feb-03/8:53 PM | Reply
Oops... sorry about that, I didn't see this during the past week. I'd love to, but not right now, as I'm too tired to do it honour. Tomorrow or the next day, or something like that. Just one comment I will toss into the ring right now, though: Why does the tense change halfway through? Just wondering.
324 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001