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Cold Ones (Free verse) by gayguy2005
All alone the two of you, carnal delights, Your in command, they follow your every order, their body is yours, no longer theirs, their stiff brittle bones, and their cold stiff hair, are yours for your delights, they are there for your cares. No words from their mouth, yours are the only ones you hear, no complaints on how you good you are, no compliments, no moans or sighs, just the silence of your sin, and your heavy breathing, the rolling of their eyes.. Fucking feels so great, its like your the only one here, Your work and your play, mothers fathers, sons, daughters, no one is safe from your lust. The dead rest, you fuck, no one to scream rape, no one to make pleas, the coldest of the cool, forbidden fucking in here!


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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7971
Posted: July 31, 2004 10:10 PM PDT; Last modified: July 31, 2004 10:10 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 | 1-Aug-04/2:31 PM | Reply
I think it would be stronger if some lines were omitted. Try leaving these out:

Your in command,
no longer theirs,
are yours for your delights,
yours are the only ones you hear,
no complaints on how you good you are,
its like your the only one here,




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