| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-02/7:46 PM |
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Your metaphors are strong. You don't waste my time with un-neccessary words.I only had trouble at the beginning of the 2nd paragraph/stanza. The prepositional phrase between -certain nights.....that she- is complicated with several images (I believe there's 3)which is a good thing because they're strong time/place images, but it confused the flow of the piece a bit, for me anyway, perhaps they should be seperated by a comma or begun on a seperate line. Perhaps not. Otherwise I must say it's a better poem then I've read in a long time. Most of the people on this site I would be hard pressed to think of as poets. Based on this poem I would say you qualify.
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| Re: Date Rape Gang Bang by Bachus |
20-Aug-02/8:15 PM |
A perfectly accurate depiction of what goes on in the mind of the violator. Poetry is not meant to be a reflection of the poet, but a reflection of the culture he lives in. This, my drunken brother, is not only contemporary, but up intil now, timeless.
p.s. Isn't your name spelled B A C C H U S?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-02/8:27 PM |
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Dear girl, this is a common literary tool. I am using it to depict repititious and mindless drugery. what exactly hung you up? Are you in elementary school? Open your mind, or it will begin to atrophy..
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Aug-02/8:39 PM |
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what are doing here, amid so much insipidity? It matters not what you do "for a living" you can write. Thank you for the inspiration. Any suggestions on other readible poets within this sight would be greatly appreciated.
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| Re: Bizarre Practices by longships |
20-Aug-02/9:28 PM |
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This poem should be recited from the steps of every kindergarten! Dr. Seuss for the internet set. Too bad the old Doc ain't around to create the illustrations for you! Or perhaps it should be canonized/memorized by the kiddies a la Night before Christmas..."While visions of S & M dance in their heads" What would mummy say, or maybe she's the inspiration? Not awful, but the rhyming and rhythm color it with a sophomoric hue.
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