If I were a bandit I'd wear special kinds of clothes A spangely top, tight leather mask and laddered panty hose If I were a bandit You'd find me on the heath With a special friend I met today Whose names considerable Keith If I were a bandit 'Stick up' i would shout But only when in private Could i carry such things out If i were a bandit I might ride a great black stead But only when our Ken were tired would i feel the need If i were a bandit I'd bandit every day But this is all conjecture Since I am not gay.