Replying to a comment on:

Flowing river (Other) by LuckyJoe

Attached to the flowing river, Constantly with each day she flows, Moving further away till one day gone, A new body she resides; within the ocean. Why must her touch be longed for? Take a dip within the caressing wetness, Remember forever her taste. How can salt be so sweet, Why is there this craving to savor, Each day wanting to be caressed by waves, Wrapped within moving force of love. Float again to the top; breathe. Wash me under keep me buried, Promise to fossilize me within, Never to be forgot. Years later dig, and I'll be found, Don't hesitate to come back around. You've opened my eyes, For now I wish to drown, Take away my breath with joy, Allow me to add salt content with tears. Just give a hug and a kiss, Show me that I'll be missed, Travel the world on the currents of which you flow, Just know I'm waiting... Watching out to sea, Till the day you return, That day again caress me as you did before, Make my senses tingle, Again to cause happy tears to flow. I don't ask to tame you, For then you wouldn't be the same, Don't point fingers with blame, When your traveling is done decide, I'll be waiting... Without you, my conquest will never truly be won. ************************ Can I get some Crit on this poem please. Seems to have lots of views for not comments about the poem. Just want to know what everything is thinking about it. So that I can change it for the better where its needed. Thanks in advance.

Jeremi B. Handrinos 10-Aug-03/12:07 AM
Yeah, I can edit it for you tomorrow. It needs quite a bit of work, but it's a good start.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001