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The Drunkest ever (Free verse) by horus8

When I drink I do not think Of no one but my self You'll raise your toasts with foamy boasts and claim it is to health but I drink to die To role my head back in my eyes Documenting lies within a parade of sighs. Ice float foundations Greasy cold sides Straws that are too thin Umbrellas that cover only my middle finger Bathrooms that make you piss outside. I use to care that you thunk me drunk? but unfortunately I can't remember who in the hell you are anyway. It was on the barstool that could not spin all the way around that i gathered enough copper and off blue fuzz from my leftist pocket to calmly ask you again for another in which i did and so did you and then it was gone. On the way out i noticed the flickering of a mystery drink dancing by itself in the corner it winked at me and bid me come. I laughed and went home. Puke stained shag carpets Kareoke dreadful wallflowers A cigarette machine that hates my guts Robot bartender with dead eye Flammable material every where

THE GOD OF DEATH 5-Mar-03/1:58 AM
Ok... overall pretty good. Creative rhymes and some really good description. But... if you're gonna use meter, be consistent. If you read it, you expect some more meter. Then again, it could be part of your theme. *shrug* Some of the rhymes are good but too clustered. It's just too much to absorb. The continuity of rhyme and rhythm aren't there but work well where employed. And again, continuity with punctuation is kinda questionable.




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