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My kids (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta

He's up and then my world starts to Go round in circles, spinning. My day begins with coffee on the stove While milk's a boiling. It's time to get the snackbox in his bag And send him off to school, After we've had an ordeal With his bath and brushing too. And then she's up, my little baby "I want mama", she says and waits. She watches as her brother wishes And is on his way. It's time to wait on her, that's next! For she's particular, "I'll wear the pink dress and pink clips", Imagine, she's just a toddler! And so my day goes on and on My husband's there to help me run He bathes our kids and gets them dressed While they both shout 'Dada's the best !' My son is back from school by one. My girl, she waits to see him come. They hug and kiss, for she did miss His mischief, fights and fun. And so my day goes on and on There's always something to be done When kids are with you, you will see They're mind boggling and fidgity. I shout and swear, look up and glare For they get on my nerves. They tear books, nibble, break things and scribble They throw things all around. Sometimes we have to bribe them Into doing what we want them to, Like clearing the mess they make With food and toys and clothes too. Finally, when the day is done, And night time then begins to fall, I'm tired, angry, worn and faint; Have to admit, I am no saint! And yet, when I look at them sleep I see the truth so clearly. They only reflect reality Of once that was just - ME.

ALChemy 18-Dec-05/10:08 AM
Unless your son's name is Danny Boy don't say things like "milk's a boiling" just say "milk is boiling".

"They hug and kiss, for she did miss" Add a "so" either before or after "did" or even better lose "did" and just write it as "so missed". I mean do you really talk in real life like you did in those 2 lines I singled out?
With that said, the rest of this is really good and I actually like that you put rhymes where it felt natural and didn't force them into places they didn't need to go. Now my challenge to you is to find out what exactly the elements were that made this poem effective and what things worked against it.




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