Replying to a comment on:
IN ONE LONG NIGHT
(
Other
) by
Prince of Void
IN ONE LONG NIGHT I thought deeply about love When every second died away Next Hours and years will be the same As those seconds have died away Moments have drifted away Inside dreams melting away Nothing'll remain In this fadeless pain of fate
wilco
7-Dec-05/8:37 PM
This is probably the most poetic thing you've written. Change the nothing'll to nothing will and rework the last line. Also the 4th line could use a little tweak.
Track and Plan your submissions
;
Read some Comics
;
Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001