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Rapid Eye Movement (Free verse) by wilco

Harsh words and strained voices aside, there will be no pain in the eventual cease-fire of sleep. Nothing makes the night seem lonely like the soft fluttering in her shuttered eyes. In color schemes of shadow black her silhouette groans and turns and returns to silent slumber.

Dan garcia-Black 24-Aug-04/7:56 PM
Nothing makes the night seem lonely "like" the soft fluttering in her shuttered eyes. This structure seems awkward to me. I know that "Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven and Pillsbury says it best" but, perhaps, a more direct approach to say this important thing? "The night is made more lonely by the soft, etc." You are the creator. Let not my will but yours be done. Even with the slightly uncomfortable second coming (stanza), it is very evocative of 13 years of nights spent with my ex-wife. -10-




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