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Saturn (Free verse) by Bachus

I am by fire, all that's used With no restraint I leap upon muse, and ride her bloody corpse into the Sea I am the night-fall quick like that not lit among the dark and treacherous I find my meals by the nightmare and my revenge by the mouthful, sleeping. My legs are thunder, My mind the sky. I am time, and that which is written to be forgotten by men that come and go like so many missed sunsets concealed by super-cell and twilight. I think in terms of space so vast as to not be counted, perceived, or noticed. I am that planet above the sun dancing at sunrise and splitting into the eyes of the world snake. Graphing the cosmos with pyramids and reflective pools. I will number you all, and cover you with hatred. Although, that word has no meaning for you to date Against, the ways you will burn.

gregsamsa222 29-Jul-04/11:30 PM
you've done better, and without comma splices. some phrases were very good, and i liked the feel of the poem, but've seen/read a LOT of Lord of the Rings in the past few days and was reminded too much of it. And a comic book called 'sandman'. Anyway, I usually like your stuff but this didn't do it for me.




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