Drunk and desperate to piss I queued for the urinal Men stared at each others cocks Pissing on their trousers and fingers bypassing the soap dispenser then going outside to shake a friends hand. The yellow tide of alcohol flowed As I stood in sick and wet tissues Watching white toothed framed fresh faces And silicone enhanced models advertize beer I wanted to be like them But I was very very drunk However I was missing machismo For I washed my hands, Waited for someone to open the door so i could snake through the gap and not touch the wet handle covered in spit, sick and crap. Men in toilets pick their asses Then go outside to grope the blonde who passes. Beware of the man who waits at the bar Who stares at you just about to smoke he has a bus pass but says he has a car And always tells you someone else's joke. He's the one who wants to take you home the one who pissed on his trousers So ladies make sure you leave alone And let him leave with piss stained pants and a five inch prowess.