What the Trojan war was really about (a commentumentary in retrospect) by Bachus, and Settle. [She did break into my e-mail and share it with her mouthpiece] [now we all must go to the 'prison of bum wrangling' and lash] [ourselves! please, heed this warning. women like that turn heros] [like us gay i am a fag, don't blame yourselves..blame me, and yes] [the aids is in my nose, and ass. A pandoras box of joy and art] [school genius Not to be confused with running with serious, thanks] {We open on Achilles dragging helen instead of hector} {While horus8, Settle and the angel of darkness (homer)} {drink and gaze on, watching gay porn and gambling on} {prawne pissing and detached leg vaulting contests} <A loud speaker rings out> First off, you may notice that this email is being sent to both of you. I am not "playing" you against one another. I am a student, I am 19. My life consists of homework, meal preparation and recreation (like poemranker). Keep this bit in mind, it is important. <We dare to say no to drugs, and sex without any real physical contact> I am ignoring Helen's advice to not email you, Paris. To be honest I am completely sick of both of you. I feel really silly having to write this email, because frankly this is a huge joke. I am amazed that neither of you can see this. <Aids is a virus like the common cold, no one can see it> Here's why I'm emailing: 1. This is perhaps the most important. Helen requested that I call her in Troy to discuss something very urgent. According to her this is that Virgil-Homer (who writes poems about poo and urine and lords of the manner) and I stand accused of breaking into Paris's email. I don't know which of you to trust in this matter. Also - I don't care (see #3). <Believe in the three musketeers, and our veiny swords, We have ships!> 2. I have little invested in who's right or wrong. I do know that there is no reason for this accusation, and that neither I nor "Homer" who, by the way, is actually two different people, possess either the know how or the motive to break into anyone's email. I don't know which of you made that one up. I don't know if either of you have ever even lied to me. As I said in #1, I don't care. <fuck with fire get burned, and look mom no hands> 3. According to Helen, t he threat of a police report was real, though it was the product of a deranged mind. I don't care. Helen, Paris, I don't care who either of you are blowing to get whatever job for whatever reason. I don't care that Helen is out of her mind, I don't care t hat Jesus is a male hustler. I don't care. <3.5 no one in this cruel dark world does but my sweet master Odd-ysseus. yeah, the police were just here, along with the pope and joan of arc, but still, my mother?. a no show. why sweet jesus why? was it my superman haircut and smile? you should of cared King Aggamemnon > 4. I'm not here to help you two out. I'm younger than you, and I think you're both complete jokes in every single respect. Paris, I cannot believe for a second that you are some sort of evil strung out genius. Helen, your efforts to prevent me from talking to Paris are an embarasment. I think you both should be ashamed of your disgraceful conduct in regards to me, the holy ghost and each other. I do not like the sorts of people who drive chariots around after having been awake for a period of time so long they don't recall when they last slept. I like people who can form sentences. I like people who are ^mellow^. <4.69er. Where the pot calls the kettle black and the horse is manufactured with a motor and an extra trap back door for convenience> 5. But this isn't about me so much as it is the relationship I have with you two. Want to know what that relationship is? We post poetry to the same amatuer poetry website. I have emailed you two a few times just to shoot the breeze. Paris, you offered me a blow job. I'm a bit wary of you, but I thought it was nice of you all the same. I Know now that I really have no interest in that blow job even if it were available and in fact at no time seriously entertained the idea that I should get work through you. Helen said you were always promising people stuff and not coming through with it. Know what? I don't care. Catching on? <Wary of me? I am but a cog in a fairy dust mutated wheel> 5.5. I sent you a little letter Paris, a bunch of drawings. You'll get them Friday, probably. They are not death threats, they aren't documents proving my involvement in the interspace cocaine trade, with the Argonauts They aren't secret codes that can only be understood after extensive bong hitting. They are some silly drawings executed on a large hard porfolio on my lap sitting on my bed, with admarkers and a bit of coloured pencil. Mr.Rodgers, Homer (the darkling) said he'd send you a postcard with a crumpet and a tuppance taped to it. At the time, this whole deal was a lot more amusing than it is now. <(5.5) i will l ook forward to the sketches, and hang them with my collection of rare art and i'll eat the crumpet with a squeeze of prawne piss when i return. i will be else where working on the take over of some other dilapidated kingdom. i have mail sorters for this sort of thing, midgets really, drug dependent, gold coated minions. all with the same name, care to put your feet in the relish or gravy? it's freeash?> 6. Anyway, here's the 'ass kicker'. I don't want to hear about you two ever again. Troy can fucking split off and sink into the Pacific for all I care. I will continue doing my thing on Poemranker, because I enjoy it. <funny, but i believe you, thank god i'll be in Persia, and Babylon care for a moist towelette. i have plenty. i've been feasting alot lately. it's been warm with the tropical winds and all. no one asked you not too?> 6.5 Do not continue emailing me with your stoned immature rambling bullshit. If you need to reach me, Paris, or hell, Helen, ask whatever Emperor you're going down on right now to do it for you. <i don't recall e-mailing you first, try the redwine it was virgin footed during their first menstruations of the last full moon> 7. Finally, in future, don't go bothering innocent people who don't know or care about you with your childish bullshit. Just because you live in hell doesn't mean everyone else has to. <you mean...give up the city?> Don't stay out in the sun all day. Sincerely, Achilles. [editor's note. (my sun is portable)] Next time believe me. and, who said anything about amatuers?! oh, according to Pilot, jesus was Italian too. the blow job offer still stands. it always will. Also Homer, don't even ask me how you got involved but i warned Hector, and Achilles not to e-mail this one didn't i? Now look we all have something in common the first poemranker Clash of the Titans. what a toastless novelty i'm jetting. anyone want my popcorn? Prometheus neglectfully raises his hand. ASL=another,sycophant,lashing. p.s Achilles, thanks for doing my dirty work for, love Hector. Remember, never look a gift horse in the left nostril when it has full blown aids. <horus8 motions to the man on the sea side cliffs to release the Krackon! All is lost, the Titan has been set free>