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saltwater bath (Free verse) by J.B. Manning Absence of sorrow fills my mind
Tears burn the back side of my eyes, but
I donât cry
Iâm silent among singers
Sweet, distant, and incomplete
Sad songs sound like sexual encounters
Burning bed sheets feel
Like beds of flowers
Answers laughing
Anguish screeching
There
is
No
Prescription
Bravery
The refusal of your emotional
Slavery
Iâm not stopping here
This isnât my choice
It
Never
Was
You found me running
I saw you falling
We collided
But you said it was love
And
I
Believed
You
Up the ladder:
discontinued kool aid
Down the ladder:
"to do" list:accomplished
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.142857
Posted: April 27, 2004 4:47 PM PDT; Last modified: April 27, 2004 4:47 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.03842 Overall Rank: 7220 Comments:
The absense of sorrow fills my mind...meaning that sorrow is not present. I dunno, I worded it that way with the intention of suggesting that sorrow was there, trying to invade my thoughts, but I wouldn't let it.
The Law of Diminishing Returns asserts that marginal gains in profit begin to decrease at a certain point of production and that this reduction continues as more output is produced until marginal gains are actually negative (negative returns). I believe that this princiiple is actually at play with regard to your work which continues to be highly fragmented and disjointed, lacks originality and is agonizingly melodramatic. It all smells so much like a sorry assed soap opera...Hey but who am I to judge you .....my writing sucks too. Peace Joe-Joe
I'm crushed! I wrote it just for YOU!!
DR E CARAWAX'S PROTOTYPE CHECKLISTE MARK II
[X] Arbitrary indentation [X] Arbitrary linebreaks [X] Melodramatic [X] About romantic love [X] Protaganist is a bummer 207 view(s)
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Best lines: You found me running/ I saw you falling/ We collided