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Gethsemane (or, Jesus learns what's up with dying) (Free verse) by zodiac
[a dialogue for one voice -] So this is what it feels like to die, he thinks, looking up into the arching trellis of old branches above him, as thick as wrists, as thighs. Holding him for the moment to the earth. In a few moments the sentries will enter through the garden gate, guided by the Judas Kiss, and he really will die – As real a death as is possible for you, he thinks. But for now the gaze of popular narration is turned away, has slipped into untroubled sleep along with his companions by the garden path. He has flung himself half-heartedly into the deep shadows of the acacia woods; tugged experimentally on his short hair, prematurely graying. He sighs, watches a centipede feel its way in the dark along a black leaf. So this is what it feels like to die. Nothing. - God? he asks. Enough of that rubbish, he thinks. You are God and God is only you. If you expect an answer, you must answer yourself. - God? - Yes? What is it? - Ha! I tricked you into answering. - No you didn’t. This is still you talking. - Crap. That’s going to cause some trouble down the road. - Why don’t you call this part of you Father, then? Or will that cause even more trouble? - Ah. A kind of internal Oedipus Complex, a Freudian thing. Let them figure that one out. - Who’s Freud? - Just someone won’t exist for the next couple of millennia. Don’t worry about it. - I won’t. Would a Voice from Heaven be better? - No, it’s all pretty much the same to me, I guess. - You don’t sound convinced. - A Voice from Heaven would be nice. A big booming one from a thundercloud, maybe. It would sound less like me talking to myself. But really – don’t trouble yourself. Or myself. - Okay. What is it? - Well – Father… - Yes? - Why do I have to explain myself? You should already know! - Sure I do, but it’ll do you good to say it. Go on – it’ll be therapeutic. - What’s therapy? - Come on! Quit stalling! I don’t have all day! - Sorry. I’m not bothering you, am I? Do you have to go somewhere? - Don’t you? - That’s the problem. I think I’m a little nervous about the whole thing. - That’s understandable. - No... It’s not the dying part. I’m not worried about that... - Who knows? Maybe you should be. - What’s that supposed to mean? - I’ll tell you later. Go on. - Well, it’s not really dying, is it? I mean – to these people, death is an end. No matter how much they talk about the Hereafter – it’s still the step into an uncertainty that makes it so frightening. Don’t you agree, Father? - Naturally. What else am I going to do? - Try disagreeing sometimes. - Impossible. We’re infallible, like Papal Bull. - Oh, Jesus! Hey – that’s kind of funny, isn’t it? - A laugh riot. What were you saying? - Well with us – with me – it’s not really a sacrifice, is it? You remember that thing with Abraham and Isaac? - Of course. - So we told Abraham to kill his son; it almostruined him. But if he’d known we were going to stop him in the knick of time, he would have gone skipping up that mountain like a ram. Ready to plunge down the dagger. Waiting for his cue to stop. There would have been no torture. No angst. - ‘Angst’? - You know what I mean! Anyway – this is different. I know what happens after death. I know I come back to life. The rest, the suffering and agony, it's just a show, right? - Well, it will hurt... - But humans are afraid of pain because of that same unknowing; because they don’t know if they’ll die, how long it will last – all that. I can’t be afraid of pain. - Not even excruciating pain? - No. Nothing. - So what are you worried about? - That they won’t believe the show! I won’t be convincingly agonized! - Ah. Is that it, son? - Yes! It’s the greatest show ever, and I’m afraid I’ll look like a half-rate actor! - Don’t worry about it. You’re a great showman. - It’s not just that. It sort of seems like I really should FEEL something. - Ah. The consummate method actor. - It’s a thing I’ve got with absolutes. I don’t feel like I can do it half-ass. - Right. - Right. So – got any ideas? - You could try to forget you already know the ending. A kind of willful suspension of belief. - Be serious, Father! - Okay. ...Sorry, there’s only one thing I can think of. It would be great – inspire fear and pain you can’t even imagine. But that’s not for anyone living to know – not even you. - But you know it! - Well – everybody knows it to some extent. - What is it? Come on, tell me! - I’ll tell you later on. How about tomorrow night? - Ha ha. So you won’t tell me... Father? - My lips are sealed. - But if you know, then I know. I should be able to think of it. - Go ahead, slugger. You’re the man. Jesus thinks. Madcap distractions, ideas and images, flit through his head, night-birds. Him scribbling the untold stories of the world in the Egyptian sand with Mary Magdalene, to be erased at the first touch of wind. Him killing the fig tree because it gave no fruit. Was it fig season then? He can't remember. He’d been hungry. Lazarus stumbling out of the tomb, stink-clothed, half- decomposed. Never to talk again. Jesus had turned away from the sight. Lazarus – - Oh, God! - Yes? - That – that can’t be it! - You got it. - But it’s so awful! It’s not right for people to live, not knowing that! - Of course. But no one will tell them. Not till it’s too late. - I’ll tell them! I’ll wake them now! They have to know! - Too late, kiddo. Here they come. A key turned clattering in the garden gate, bringing Peter Paul and John to their feet.

Up the ladder: Love-Anemic

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.909091
Weighted score: 6.9545455
Overall Rank: 154
Posted: January 10, 2004 3:05 PM PST; Last modified: January 20, 2004 9:58 PM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] Everyone @ 163.1.146.87 | 21-Jan-04/9:23 AM | Reply
I raised the issue of why Jesu "prayed to Himself" in Gethsemane, and why He asked for an alternative to crucifixion when He should have already known the answer to His question, with a Christian, and the Christian said that when Jesu swooped down to planet Earth and took on humanoid form He was subject to the same fears and pains that humans feel, and that whilst in humanoid form He may not have been omniscient. What do you say to that? I don't think you can say Jesu IS God at the same time as saying He wasn't omniscient whilst in humanoid form, because that would make Him simultaneously identical to God and different from God. The best you can do is say Jesus was PART of God, but as far as I know no Christians endorse that view, and it is not backed up by the Bible. In short: buncombe.
[n/a] Everyone @ 163.1.146.87 > Everyone | 21-Jan-04/10:44 AM | Reply
What shows?
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.211.161 > Everyone | 21-Jan-04/11:03 AM | Reply
I posted in the wrong window. The comment I was responding to was "She (CLS/lydia) is quite young."
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.211.161 > Everyone | 21-Jan-04/11:01 AM | Reply
As far as I can remember, nobody who gets brought back to life in the gospels ever talks again, except Jesus. Robert Browning (An Epistle of Karshish) says it's because they were happier in heaven, and not that pleased to be brought back to earth for Jesus' magic show. Buncombe. Notice that even Jesus is kind of flaky and wild-eyed after he comes back. He disappears, he reappears, he rambles a bit. The idea is that there's something so terrible about the experience of dying (or the experience of resurrection,) separate from the actual physical pain or whatever, that it can scare Jesus. It really screws you up. This is probably not what lydia evelyn hears every week in Sunday school. Don't worry, lydia - personally, I don't acknowledge the reality of death (ie, 'people die,' 'death is a part of life,' 'I was sad when my puppy died,' etc.) It just doesn't hold up to proof or prolonged thinking.
[n/a] Everyone @ 163.1.146.87 > zodiac | 21-Jan-04/11:22 AM | Reply
What do you mean when you say you "don't acknowledge the reality of death"?
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.211.223 > Everyone | 21-Jan-04/11:34 AM | Reply
I'm just screwing around. Of course there's death. But not for me. I'll never die. Unh-unh. Nope.
[10] SupremeDreamer @ 69.19.177.104 | 1-Feb-04/2:07 PM | Reply
brilliant, fucking brilliant. 10.
[10] SupremeDreamer @ 69.19.176.24 | 4-Feb-04/9:21 PM | Reply
Whether its an actual poem or part of a novel your working on- its written in a way which makes it more than just a narrative dialog; at the least its very good prose.

What makes it enjoyable for me is the suggestion of pantheism and the theory that god is a manifestation of the mind- and that you depicted the humor that it could entail.

I'd love to read this novel you're in the process of making; your style of writing and the subjects you explore fascinate me immensely.
[n/a] zodiac @ 67.240.192.62 > SupremeDreamer | 5-Feb-04/4:08 AM | Reply
It IS part of a novel, and a great rambling unpublishable one called Missing Pages From More Popular Narratives, as are the recent handjob one and the other war poem that's still on here. Jesus is a recurring character. So are Holden Caufield and Hatch Cunnilingus (narrator of the handjob poem), Allen Ginsberg, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson, a man who teaches US History to moderately mentally retarded third-graders, the Hardy Boys (narrators of the other war poem), Superman, Lois Lane, and Lex Luther, Hernan Cortes and his great^25-granddaughter Alma, an intensely stupid woman who is tricked into becoming a prostitute after being lost for 2 weeks on the Greyhound Bus system. Being unpublishable for all the reasons you can imagine, I've considered converting it all to (nominal) poetry and trying to sell it that way.
[10] forsaken @ 65.221.202.101 | 19-Feb-04/4:01 PM | Reply
I've read four of your others poems not voting, because the ideas of them we'ren't my cup of tea.
This one was really good, and maybe the others were too but they just shit in my eyes. At lease they are after reading this one.
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