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Voyeur looking glass (Free verse) by baphomet
I see you, if only you new. I like to look at every bob, and weave you make with Steve. I’m a voyeur who likes to stare at your mother, when she washes her hair. My game is simple, I spy with my green eye., Eye candy, Mrs. Schwiser. Through the window and in the bathroom door. Here lies my eye grocery store. Wait and watch for the glance of flesh then I can go to rest. As I wake I go to the window , there I focus my eye’s on the poodle. And ponder, why do they do that odd circler dance. Then slip and slide all on the grass, with their ass. I sneak to the door window and peak through the blinds there I see the mail mans behind. I turn my head, but I can not resist. He bends even more and I start to get stiff. I can see the seams giving way for his pants to rip. So I wait quiet, and then it goes. And there lies low an behold. he looks around to see if anyone saw which tickled my fancy. I leave the door window and I head to the bed, for I have finished my job. I lay on back and think of what I seen. Then I reach in and start rubbing the knob. Voyeur of the year, join the club. peep fiend . . .

Up the ladder: The Red Chain
Down the ladder: verruca

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9103527
Overall Rank: 9679
Posted: October 29, 2003 11:10 PM PST; Last modified: October 29, 2003 11:10 PM PST
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Comments:
[7] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.116.54 | 30-Oct-03/10:00 AM | Reply
"As I wake I go to the window , there I focus my eye’s on the poodle." pull your comma tight and pull the apostrophe out of "eye's".

"circler" is spelled circular

"with their ass" should be on their ass.

"He bends even more and I start to get stiff.
I can see the seams giving way for his pants to rip.
So I wait quiet, and then it goes.
And there lies low an behold.
he looks around to see if anyone saw
which tickled my fancy.
I leave the door window and

I head to the bed,
for I have finished my job.
I lay on back and think of what I seen.
Then I reach in and start rubbing the knob.
Voyeur of the year, join the club.
peep fiend . . ." Now little brother this is too vague? you must make it clearer for your readers in order for them to get what you're saying.
[5] titan69 @ 62.31.29.178 | 30-Oct-03/1:23 PM | Reply
you little wanker!that my mom...
[n/a] baphomet @ 24.126.116.54 > titan69 | 30-Oct-03/1:40 PM | Reply
ok ur mom is Mrs. Schwiser?
[5] kingit @ 67.68.48.37 | 30-Oct-03/3:01 PM | Reply
1st critique all over again, & then some... if only you knew!!!?(sp.)
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