Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

autumn angst (Free verse) by skaskowski
the universe howls from holes in the sidewalk, the death-season is upon us. that rain is all you see tonight, death from above from the trees. the clouds cover up the light at dusk smothering pillows of water. we're all just paper to blow in the wind, ignorant scraps of indifference.

Up the ladder: Constant Penetration

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 11

Arithmetic Mean: 2.75
Weighted score: 4.7317934
Overall Rank: 11763
Posted: October 9, 2003 1:51 PM PDT; Last modified: October 9, 2003 1:51 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[5] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 9-Oct-03/7:59 PM | Reply
A prepositional phrase slugfest.

I think Kansas said it best with, "we are merely indifferent scraps of ignorance, all we are is indifferent scraps of ignorance ..."

Consider a ";" after "wind" ("therefore" usage, actually, all of your commas here could be semi's) - keep or toss (as usual).
[n/a] skaskowski @ 216.125.247.11 > Shuushin | 9-Oct-03/9:24 PM | Reply
to the top.
245 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001