| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Fury (Free verse) by J.B. Manning I continue to express
This weight on my chest
As itâs lightened
And lifted
And starts to regress
Press
A finger ever slightly
You donât wanna fight me
Waitin to ignite me
The flame inside
Is burning my mind
I am lost in you
Torn and tossed by you
Standing beside you
I feel the sting of danger
Ingested
Digested
Contorted by your anger
But I smile
Wait a while
Give it time
The perfect crime
Against the man
Who did me wrong
And now Iâm older
Bolder
and
strong
And youâre running away
Hiding each day
Casting long shadows
In darkness
And light
Standing face to face
Itâs time that we fight
Brother and brother
Man against man
Fear in your
Eyes
Calm
fury and
Me
Up the ladder:
Extra Strength VaginexII (Free curse) by Wurt Kale
Down the ladder:
I don't know
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5555553
Posted: September 8, 2003 10:45 AM PDT; Last modified: September 8, 2003 10:45 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.2777777 Overall Rank: 3790 Comments:
We slipped in to sadness is a useful line which could be better used. For example you write it like you wore sadness (like your heart on your sleeve) all you need is a line like the 1st one but with a follow up line which really hits home.
We slipped into sadness? Is that a reference to my poem? I don't get the connection. That isn't a verse from this poem.
Kind of like a bad soap opera. Sorry.
308 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
A little choppy and disjointed but it does have some nice lines. -6- Joe-joe