Free verse № 62538
Saturn
     A father bribes her
with a yellow-white brooch
(striped enamel, diamond,
and ten glittery baguettes)
dangling in a black velvet case.
She stretches up for the honey-pale token, to pin it
on her blouse, over a heart lit like a jack-o'-lantern.
But Saturn lumbers off
with its curio cloudbank,
sky-tethers the icy shoal
elsewhere, padding round
an orbit, just
out of reach.
2 comments
Father bribes her with a yellow-white brooch
(striped enamel, diamond, and ten glittery baguettes
that dangle in a black velvet case.)
She stretches up for the honey-pale token,
to pin it onto her blouse, over a heart lit like
a jack-o'-lantern.
But Saturn lumbers off with its curio cloudbank,
sky-tethers the icy shoal elsewhere, padding round
an orbit just out of reach.
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Not much changing.. just a lil touch up in presentation.. youll have to do any other spicing up yourself... i only do slight facelifts.
Work on this, if you do it well ill give ya a nine..
for now, ill give you an 8.
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