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The First Proper Evening of Summer (Free verse) by [mojo] It's a matter of colours,
And resonant sounds,
Reds, blues and greens,
Of pleasant hues and tone,
So that everything seems,
Compatible as a whole,
Harmonious to the eyes
The ears and the soul,
A vista,
A light cooling sea breeze,
Like a caressing whisper,
Ice in a drink, "plink",
Simply the way I think,
On Summer evenings,
In shirt sleeves.
Up the ladder:
Erosion
Down the ladder:
Note 2 Myself
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: July 23, 2002 1:30 PM PDT; Last modified: July 23, 2002 1:30 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.75 Overall Rank: 11702 Comments:
[5]
kawakurdi @ 213.122.188.217
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23-Jul-02/1:54 PM
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Reply
and resonant sounds- sounds dissonant. The rest is fine.
like the title and the last two lines best.
Might cut some.
yeah ... the last two lines or three negated feelings of ? irritation ? at awkwardness ..compatable as a whole seemed to grate til i started with that line as a new breath/beat .. is that why there is a comma after seems in the previous line ?
This kind of poem is a safe bet. 6. Very mediocre, I think a 12 year old could do as well, but the simple yet emotional images of a summer childhood means that everybody can't help warming to the poem. So, and as much as I would like, I can't give too low a score.
Awesome title, but the poem doesn't do it one bit of justice.
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