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Iceman (Free verse) by Kitch
I feel like life has no worth anymore, Nothings real and this is the deal, There’s nothing for me on this earth anymore. People are so distant living for other people’s lives, Even emotions are efficient, Everyone’s playing husbands and wives. Worries over work, worries over money, Just 2 things that hurt and its not fucking funny. Life can create an iceman of hate. Years of taking orders can take its toll, Buy by confronting fears your breaking borders, And life can take our youth, But there’s one simple truth, It cannot take your soul. And that poses the question… Do we possess one? Do some people cry more than you? Some people lie more than you? Do some people live less stressful lives? Do we all go to Church and confess all our lies? Who cares enough to spare a thought? For ‘Icemen’ like me are not easily bought. They live their lives ‘stealing the feeling’, Leaving a trail of lovers reeling. They are wound you wait for, That you live your life to hate for.

Up the ladder: Roadside Testimony
Down the ladder: My Goddess...

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.714286
Weighted score: 5.192101
Overall Rank: 4631
Posted: June 11, 2003 3:24 PM PDT; Last modified: June 11, 2003 3:24 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] scitz @ 195.92.168.169 | 11-Jun-03/3:40 PM | Reply
Not a bad try 2nsd last line needs changing, quite evocative lose the middle
[7] richa @ 195.92.67.69 | 12-Jun-03/10:45 AM | Reply
not a bad try at all

I would say however your use of words such as soul and truth is perhaps unqualified with argument and image
[7] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.21.223 | 17-Jun-03/12:48 PM | Reply
Again horrible 1st stanza, I'd ditch it all together. Other than that not bad, borderline cliche, at parts the ryhming works, in others I wish you'd just come out say what your saying how you'd say it naturally(i.e. you stopped ryhming third stanza, and it should have stuck that way). -7-
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