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Aftermath of a boston marriage (Free verse) by Sugar Victim
She lies crumpled on the floor Her bodies beaten,weak and sore Who's to blame? For her anguish and her pain They took away her heart her serenity and name And as they hit her with such hate she screams through tears,but it's too late They sway overhead carving her soul their blind fury has taken it's toll And now this nameless broken girl prays for hope as her world uncurls with words that burn They watch her bleed without concern She is nothing just a shell Although right now it's hard to tell She whispers something with undeniable strife And courage as she slips from life, "I am not nameless you've deemed me a dyke Maybe though dying you'll see we're not unalike!"

Down the ladder: The Door

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.0794687
Overall Rank: 6390
Posted: June 1, 2003 4:04 PM PDT; Last modified: June 1, 2003 4:22 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 1-Jun-03/4:17 PM | Reply
"prays for hope as her world uncurls" unfurls, would work better. nameless.

"Maybe though dieng you'll see we're not unalike!"" through dying. Also, the piece needs to put come commas to work for it.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 1-Jun-03/4:19 PM | Reply
Overall, not a bad collection, but it's not setting new standards, that's for sure. I would of given you sixes and sevens. Maybe an eight after some editing.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.213.23 > horus8 | 2-Jun-03/3:29 AM | Reply
"I would of given you sixes and sevens." would have. It's.
[9] deleted user @ 64.63.204.8 | 19-Sep-03/2:35 PM | Reply
a little uneven..but so is hate-crime.
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