poemranker ::My nieghborhood(1) by thepinkbunnyofdoom

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Lyric № 49260

My nieghborhood(1)

by thepinkbunnyofdoom

Member since 2003 · Posted 17 May 2003 · Edited 9 Jan 2005 · 6 comments

My neighbor is in the KKK A proud member of the NRA Since 1984 So don’t knock on his door His wife isn’t very thin She wears shirts that cut into her skin Her lungs get smaller by the hours From all the Marlboro lights she devours Their 13-year-old daughter dances naked for all the world to see Her window is the one right across from me She’s looking for sex cause she doesn’t know love Has no clue, No idea about the meaning of Come 6 o’clock without fail is world war 3 How they survive is mystery to me

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mean 8.38 weighted 5.91 rank 1446 views 301 View voting details →

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6 comments

[7] INTRANSIT 17-May-03/1:33 PM Reply
rewrite. and concentrate on giving this a beat. it's well done and deserves the attention. tend to it.7 looking for a 9
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › INTRANSIT 17-May-03/1:45 PM Reply
Thanx. I will I like most of it the way it is but the last verse just doesn't seem to work. Any suggestions?. I plan on making this a series.
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › thepinkbunnyofdoom 30-Jun-03/2:24 PM Reply
Its very off tempo but what can I say I was inspired by reading the canterbary tales again. I love Chaucer. So I thought I'd borrow some of his style. Its a great Idea but Other than the first and third verse I can't really picture it right in my head. Its not how I want it but its close. Grrr....
[4] deleted user 17-May-03/4:01 PM Reply
Pretty good!
[n/a] thepinkbunnyofdoom › deleted user 17-May-03/4:24 PM Reply
Gald you like it there is more to come, and If I get some useful suggestions I'll make this better as well. :)
[8] Shuushin 11-Jan-05/2:20 PM Reply
yeah, this needs to be longer.

And consider something else besides the hours/devours couplet.

good stuff.