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Word Baskets (Free verse) by powerline Inspiration is devine
in the hands of weavers,
who work and toil
in pen and oil,
to fashion themsevles
some new found believers
Up the ladder:
YOU BELONG TO ME
Down the ladder:
Memories
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: July 15, 2002 5:02 PM PDT; Last modified: July 15, 2002 5:02 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.7310586 Overall Rank: 11796 Comments:
[1]
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 217.39.149.233
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19-Jul-02/4:28 AM
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Reply
As a user, I'd like to comment on your poeme, powerline! (a) 'devine' should be 'divine' (b) you said work AND toil... that's a bit redundant, don't you think? toil means work. (c) who writes in pen and OIL? (d) I suggest: "who toil and think / in pen and ink" (e) I can't get the rhythm with the last two lines. It feels as if line 5 should be removed, but then it wouldn't make sense. Perhaps replace the last two lines with: "to inspire new believers" or something.
Nice suggestions. I should have finished this more before putting it on here. You're on the mark 100%. I was trying to make a link between old poets who "toiled in oil" and new poets who "work in pen" The last two lines suck...I've got to get them fixed.
it sucks (the poem) the spelling lacks as well.
Welcome aboard, sir. You know what needs to be with this piece. Suggestion: Look up Christofs'
"To a sculpter". 132 view(s)
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