Was what I said when I walked away from it all. When did it start? When I got out of military prison at nineteen. Of course I was no stranger to the rare and intense calamity at that point in time, nor am I blaming my poor choices for the 360 degree trap I spout my insanity from 365 days a year. What does pain turn into? What can it become inside of you? I'm either fucking sober and so aware that I cannot behave normally, or I'm so loaded and aware that I cannot act appropriately. Somehow I manage to pull it all off. With style, and what seems to some kind of deteriorating colourlessness. black magick, Astoroth showed me his dragon. I'm sure you can just Imagine the fasting and ablutions that prepared me for The stink of his breath. I secretly pray to your cold shoulder. But I will surrender nothing but your teeth down your throat and the splattering of your blood and a shovel I will buy tomorrow before I start dreaming again. What did I dream about last night? Love and invisibility and a twin of my own that remembered where I put my real life. I just don't get it. I want to but I can't. Everyone thinks I do and they pay me for it, but I am realizing for the first time in my life that I'm going to die too, I'm going to die and we will have never figured out why we hated eachother so much for no reason and love and love and god and silence will all merge into that feeling of butterflies in my stomach again for the last time, and I'll find you, and you'll fucking love me I swear you'll love me you will cover me with something that I will still try to avoid when the hands of our ancestors reach into my heart and I can finally get to let go of this sigh that has been stuck in my throat and just let my eyes break, love yes love Is truer for me having never even tried. Life can sure be a motherfucker. This is proof alone that I can predict the future. Hence quoting myself. before, getting to saying anything at all.