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12 O'Clock New Year's Eve

Member since 2003 · Posted 30 Mar 2003 · 2 comments

Itâs 12 oâclock new yearâs eve, and I have not spoken to you today I was just wondering what you are doing and if you have a place to stay I wish that I could be with you now, tomorrow and everyday in between But I wonder if you are hiding from something, and hoping not to be seen I am trying to help you to get through this, I am trying to put my feelings aside Even though I hurt more than you do, because I am the one that has to see you cry I hate to see you upset, I try my hardest to always keep a smile on your face And if the world ever seems to much to bear, I promise Iâll keep you safe from this place

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2 comments

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer 31-Mar-03/1:02 AM Reply

Try not to be offended by this. I'm going to be honest and blunt. If you just hate me and go on a spiteful rage that's ok, you wouldn't be the first one, but I'd rather you think about what I say. You are quite lacking as a poet. You have things to say, good first step. Now they need to be molded into something a bit more artistic. Mind you artistic words with no meaning aren't much fun either. We have more than enough of that on this site. Find the balence, come back and let us see. Try metaphor and similie. They help a lot. I'm looking forward to seeing an improvement from you. Good luck and happy writing.

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › OneFingerAnswer 31-Mar-03/1:05 AM Reply

By the by, if I came off sounding like I think I'm the greatest or like an elietest, I'm sorry. I'm not really. There are many poets here who constently humble me with their work. I was only trying to give friendly advice.