Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The View On Life (Free verse) by Deb_djb3113
If it took 3 steps to freedom 4 steps to jail 1 step to paradise 2 steps to fail 1 kiss to hold me 4 hands to leave 10 single pains In which i must conceive 2 seconds overdue but 3 seconds ahead 6 minutes to breath 5 in which are dead 1 way to run with 4 ways wrong Too many mistakes With 1 meaning full song 1 hand follows this way which direction to go around 14 minutes before I jump and hit the solid ground 2 minutes would of saved me 3 minutes have just filled How many beatings? Before I get killed SO they all start to count down from 10 10 single hands to poke things and grab 9 open wounds slowly begin to scab 8 shyless faces all turned away 7 strong people hung themselves today 6 pairs of lost and sorrowful eyes 5 shameful people with too many lies 4 drops of blood falling from this life 3 people screamed with a stab from a knife 2 hungry mouths rudly unfead 1 person left Now pronounced dead

Up the ladder: thousand dream river
Down the ladder: Gunshy Martyr

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Weighted score: 5.089402
Overall Rank: 6254
Posted: February 14, 2003 9:13 PM PST; Last modified: February 14, 2003 9:13 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[6] Blue Magpie @ 62.176.75.114 | 14-Feb-03/10:30 PM | Reply
For me it looks very rough, in terms of the grammar and such, nice idea though.
[10] deleted user @ 66.93.78.246 | 15-Feb-03/11:50 AM | Reply
Very nice. The scattered rhythm and numbering sets a great backdrop of chaotic perception, which then falls into order.
[n/a] Deb_djb3113 @ 216.221.81.99 > deleted user | 15-Feb-03/4:52 PM | Reply
Thanks Alot! =D I love poem writtting this woudl have to be the first i wrote about 2 years ago =D
110 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001