Replying to a comment on:

The View On Life (Free verse) by Deb_djb3113

If it took 3 steps to freedom 4 steps to jail 1 step to paradise 2 steps to fail 1 kiss to hold me 4 hands to leave 10 single pains In which i must conceive 2 seconds overdue but 3 seconds ahead 6 minutes to breath 5 in which are dead 1 way to run with 4 ways wrong Too many mistakes With 1 meaning full song 1 hand follows this way which direction to go around 14 minutes before I jump and hit the solid ground 2 minutes would of saved me 3 minutes have just filled How many beatings? Before I get killed SO they all start to count down from 10 10 single hands to poke things and grab 9 open wounds slowly begin to scab 8 shyless faces all turned away 7 strong people hung themselves today 6 pairs of lost and sorrowful eyes 5 shameful people with too many lies 4 drops of blood falling from this life 3 people screamed with a stab from a knife 2 hungry mouths rudly unfead 1 person left Now pronounced dead

ianswriting 15-Feb-03/11:50 AM
Very nice. The scattered rhythm and numbering sets a great backdrop of chaotic perception, which then falls into order.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001