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A Green Moons Haze (Free verse) by pink_punk_kisses87
Lying under a green moons haze, the view from my window seems insignificant. The lightning bugs play tag around the gorged budding tree. My thoughts drift away with the sympathetic summer wind. I am numb. The worries of the world seem meaningless at this point. I try to picture a faultless sunrise. The haze has gotten closer to my heart. My dreams run out my mouth then fall and hit the floor. Shattered into a thousand pieces my life seems to be a jigsaw puzzel. I am numb. The feeling of life has filled threw my fingertips and leaked out the sides. I have fallen to the cold floor trying to regain countenance. I am numb.

Up the ladder: Rescue 911

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 20
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.. 10
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.8
Weighted score: 5.4
Overall Rank: 3179
Posted: November 11, 2002 3:55 PM PST; Last modified: November 11, 2002 3:55 PM PST
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Comments:
[6] <~> @ 67.84.171.10 | 11-Nov-02/5:57 PM | Reply
almost there....
but jigsaw aren't jagged (shattered, whatever) even though they are confusing and in a thousand pieces. dammit man! (woman)! you are a tease. shape this up. the bit about the haze seeping closer to your heart is eerily brilliant, damn you. i demand a rewrite.
[8] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 12-Nov-02/2:35 AM | Reply
Cool Ode

I too am numb
[10] deleted user @ 205.188.209.107 | 29-Jan-03/5:22 PM | Reply
nice, i like when you have to reread sopmething, it's a sign that its good work, i'll give it a 10
[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.19.37 | 29-Jan-03/5:29 PM | Reply
I agree its a ten but you might change threw to through. It'd make it so that someone didn't mentally trip over your words, unless that was what you were going for.
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