Replying to a comment on:

A Green Moons Haze (Free verse) by pink_punk_kisses87

Lying under a green moons haze, the view from my window seems insignificant. The lightning bugs play tag around the gorged budding tree. My thoughts drift away with the sympathetic summer wind. I am numb. The worries of the world seem meaningless at this point. I try to picture a faultless sunrise. The haze has gotten closer to my heart. My dreams run out my mouth then fall and hit the floor. Shattered into a thousand pieces my life seems to be a jigsaw puzzel. I am numb. The feeling of life has filled threw my fingertips and leaked out the sides. I have fallen to the cold floor trying to regain countenance. I am numb.

<~> 11-Nov-02/5:57 PM
almost there....
but jigsaw aren't jagged (shattered, whatever) even though they are confusing and in a thousand pieces. dammit man! (woman)! you are a tease. shape this up. the bit about the haze seeping closer to your heart is eerily brilliant, damn you. i demand a rewrite.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001