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going to lie with the devil (Free verse) by crin
i feel so unmotivated i feel like everything has slipped out from under me i concede defeat i can feel the devil blowing his disease into my ear i feel so sick i feel like this bed could be my grave and i could feel comfortable in it so content happy to forget all this world has ever offered me i feel so weak like a prisoner who has finally been broken given in to the death sentence ready to fade away without any protest i was so selfish but now there's nothing left because in the process of wanting i gave so much of myself away i was so naive thinking that the daggers of friends and foes and girls whom i thought were something more could never pierce my skin they were and still are sharp and waiting now i've learned my lesson but i always betray myself by seeking comfort with someone somewhere else i feel so tainted like my touch breaks down lives and dreams alike i feel like a destroyer of worlds when i only wanted to be a prince but now i've just left fingerprints at the scenes of my crimes

Up the ladder: Invitation to Seduction
Down the ladder: One liners for the ladies

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Weighted score: 5.0672355
Overall Rank: 6638
Posted: October 15, 2002 6:53 PM PDT; Last modified: October 15, 2002 6:53 PM PDT
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Comments:
[2] god'swife @ 209.178.176.99 | 16-Oct-02/8:20 AM | Reply
"but I always betray myself....." is novel and good, leaving fingerprints is also a good image. The rest is boring. A conversation heard at the back of the bus.
[7] felixthecat @ 62.6.86.88 | 16-Oct-02/9:58 AM | Reply
I think the whole thing is good until the line 'I was so selfish ...' The first two verses were't whiney, they were kind of dispassionate reports, in striking and concrete language, of feelings that we've all had. 'I can feel the devil blowing his disease into my ear' and 'I feel so sick, I feel like this bed could be my grave and I could feel comfortable in it' remind me of old blues lyrics, there's the faint sense of self-mockery mixed with the genuine emotion, and I like that. Can the bit about girls being mean and your poor sensitive skin being pierced, and being a prince.
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