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Baby (Other) by sca
I remember sweat, and sticky water,
Our bodies pressed in deafening sound,
Your hair a perfect frame
To what we screamed, but only mouthed.
Pure strangers laughing ecstasy,
Eyes met by future friends,
You became my bosom-rebel
As we made each otherâs ends.
Iâd sew the details, to your dresses,
Bite wear into your clothes,
You were the symmetry of person,
The confidant Iâd never known.
I remember fingertips, and lipstick,
A roughness to our softened skin,
The smile you used to give me
And how neither would give in.
The way you used to kiss me
And pull my bottom lip,
How only you could say it
And it bitterly was missed.
We knew then just how stupid
Our sharp words must have been,
That car with blinding headlights
Dragging two girls in.
The way they took and broke you,
The sound of muffled screams,
How I couldnât even feel
What was happening to me.
I remember how your soul died,
Scarred wrists and corner beds,
How you knew you weren't the same
But were too proud to take the meds.
Coming home that Sunday morning,
Your three missed calls that said
Panadol was how your whole died,
That my rebel-girl was dead.
To my baby, of a million words,
The kind a vigilante sends,
Through bipolar blood and tears
I loved you to the end.
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.5
Weighted score: 5.2980075
Overall Rank: 3721
Posted: June 13, 2007 12:24 AM PDT; Last modified: June 13, 2007 12:24 AM PDT
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Comments:
165 view(s)
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i think this has the opportunity for a lot of expansion. there is a lot of story here for so few lines, but there are enough lines used that it either needs to be longer and expanded into a mini-epic, or edited down to a more concise yet potent missive.
i like this and hpoe you will work further on it.