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Out alone in the winter rain (Other) by Prince of Void
Out alone in the winter rain Sadness is high there, sky is down I remember those tears had hidden Behind drops of rain I’m still crying in the rain And all memories pour down Inside consuming-pains I have been one no dwelling could contain I’m a passion to the close of a day I’m making the profile of a day To express the portrait of the sun-ray In this poem I could explain What I obtain What I lose again I explain her eyes in heavens And the pain’s dissolving within The despair‘s getting frames of her faces In the evening rain How earth and I was in vain Could you explain it to me in the rain? Why I lost her in the sigh of solo pains The agony never spares me again

Up the ladder: Swansong
Down the ladder: Working Title

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.928861
Overall Rank: 9266
Posted: February 7, 2007 9:47 AM PST; Last modified: February 7, 2007 9:47 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 | 8-Feb-07/7:26 PM | Reply
Just a minor suggested revision:

Out alone in the winter rain
Happiness is high there, sky is up
I remember those tears of joy had hidden
Behind drops of rain
I’m still singing in the rain
And all memories flow upward
Inside consuming bliss.

Cheers
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.27.81.27 | 9-Feb-07/3:23 AM | Reply
Saw a film about John Callahan, the cartoonist. He writes beautiful songs too - he's also a very good cure for the inflatable kind of self-pity you're exposing here.
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