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Drowning (Other) by Enkidu
No words please, I fear their weight. I'm too heavy and too proud. The water tastes like breath to me, a hot, amorphous cloud. I'm drowning, friend. Helplessness overwhelms me. The surface pulls me thence, that glassy ceiling where days pass without consequence. I speak and I cry, and neither comes clearly. But you who drowned me here, are more in meaning, than every gesture that binds my pretty ear. Eye to eye completely. Where you pretend my woe. I'll not take another breath. For fear my life would show. For thanks I'll offer each to you, my wit, my heart, my soul. If you should wish, then each should drown, a life in your control.

Up the ladder: Dreamtigers (Borges)
Down the ladder: The Death of Many Octopi

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Weighted score: 5.2086053
Overall Rank: 4521
Posted: May 8, 2006 4:41 PM PDT; Last modified: May 8, 2006 4:41 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Bobjim @ 84.9.184.23 | 9-May-06/3:26 PM | Reply
This is a very good poem, though because of the subject, I can't help but think of it in comparison to the classic "Not waving, but drowning" by Stevie Smith. Considering that's one of my favourite poems of all time, yours stands up really well.
You mention being afraid your life would show, is this meant to indicate a guilty conscience? I noticed you saying you were too proud at the top.
Did you know that drowning is a very peaceful way to die? By the time you're in danger of watching your life flash before your eyes, you're almost completely calm.
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 10-May-06/2:01 PM | Reply
Well rhymed, the only problem I had with this was 'amorphous' - I'd never imagine such words to spring to mind while drowning. Of course, if you're really drowning I doubt you'd be speaking at all, let alone in poetic verse.
[9] ALChemy @ 71.75.176.68 | 13-May-06/1:48 PM | Reply
I too find love can be like drowning.

On a side note, here's the most famous drowning poem I know:

Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

-Stevie Smith
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