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Putney at Low Tide (Free verse) by Christof It is not wise to lean your arms
On the bird beshitten wooden rail
From where we watch the river bed
Couch the trickling Thames in yawns.
A crocodile of launches slouches
To Fulham FC dolefully
Like pigeon-chested kids unwilling
To take the tide this Saturday.
From the window of a private gym
Where first eight rowers go to die
A pirouetting youth with ringlets
Halts his weights and gazes down
When a love bird in the blossom coos
Above the plash of a sleek canoe.
The orange lamps appear like ghosts
To hum the paddler to his rest.
Up the ladder:
wrenched away from what?
Down the ladder:
Crushin
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.962963
Posted: September 10, 2002 1:16 AM PDT; Last modified: September 10, 2002 1:16 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.960582 Overall Rank: 1348 Comments:
[n/a]
Limness @ 167.206.181.179
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10-Sep-02/7:55 AM
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Shouldn't it be "caonoe," (not period?) Do you need the periods?
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Christof @ 195.172.133.226
> Limness
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10-Sep-02/7:58 AM
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This poem moves forward in sentences so I think I need the full stop. It gives a natural pause before the final sentence.
[n/a]
Limness @ 167.206.181.179
> Christof
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10-Sep-02/8:00 AM
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But this is a fragment, not a sentence, and it begs a comma. S3 needs periods for consistency, if that's the flavor of the week.
[n/a]
Christof @ 195.172.133.226
> Limness
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10-Sep-02/8:03 AM
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The first two line sof stanza 4 are the last clause of the sentence that runs throughout stanza 3. A comma here would destroy the sentence structure. The last two lines are a sentence in their own right, verbs and everything. The decision to run over the sentence from stanza 3 was deliberate - I like to subvert my own forms sometimes.
[n/a]
Limness @ 167.206.181.179
> Christof
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10-Sep-02/8:05 AM
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Okay then. But think about doing it my way. It works better.
[n/a]
Christof @ 195.172.133.226
> Limness
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10-Sep-02/8:09 AM
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ACtually it would change the cuase-and-effect of events in an intersting way - the man in the gym would no longer look out of the window becuase he heard the bird, but the lights would be triggered by the call of the bird. Yes, very interesting...
I like your imagery Christof. Like Limness I would say you should put a full stop at the end of Stanza3 but then again, it's your work and your message.
The business with this full stop is fascinating. it's never occurred to me you could read it that way. I think I'll stick with the original because I want the exercising man to be drawn to the window by the bird, but the other suggestions are very valid.
"canoe" is correct.
Who would have thought a poeme containing the word 'beshitten' could be so beautiful? NOT ME THAT'S FOR SURE!!!!!11 But seriously Christof, you couldn't make the first eight if your buttocks depended on it! Which, judging by their flabbiness, they obviously do. 10/10!
I've rowed once. It was shit. So you're absolutely right.
Of course it was shit. It takes years before rowing becomes even vaguely tolerable. It's a crap sport for novices. It's just too technically demanding to be much fun. For some reason, you always end up with one muppet (usually the one who thinks rowing in jeans is a splendid idea) who insists on rowing in anti-phase with everyone else. Tell me, Christof: Did you row in jeans? Or did you wear a leotard like everyone else?
As a novice, I wore shorts. I was never allowed a leotard, you had to have notched up 450 hours or something they'd even let you sniff a leotard.
Dare to dream, Christof! Dare to dream! One day, you'll get to sniff that leotard. And when you do, you too will know the sweet smell of Victory.
No he won't. Because even when he does get the leotard, some twat will turn up wearing an all-in-one of speed + 3, racing as a novice even though he's won three races this season, and kick his ass.
"Beshitten". Someone contact the Oxford new words dept:) Outstanding imagery. 9.
weird. I really can't understand the second stanza for the life of me. I like the sounds the poem makes. It took reading the comments to see where the last stanza was coming from. Maybe if you only capitalized the beginning of sentences it would be more obvious that the last stanza followes the previous. weird.
Hmm, I suppose Fulham FC doesn't mean much to an American audience - it's a soccer club in London by the banks of the Thames. And there are obviously problems with the last stanza!
somebody should fire arrow your canoe...your such a fucking romantic jackoff..drinking a beer with you would be like jerking off to my little retarted brother reading me blake and keats while naring my asshole...fucking weak unintelligable euro trash garden variety monotoned shite! what a fucking waste of time...this is the kinda of shit a tenured professor reads to freshman girls to try and victimize them afterschool out of boredome and lack of inspiration...fuck! you are so well read and deep..!!!!! prima facie? not worth the gallows swing..boring! yawn. 5/10!
In the name of Christ man do you not recognise irony? Do your ecognise no other register than full-tilt polemical crazy bull-at-a-gate thickheadedness? Quiet is the new loud, matey. And this poem has nothing to do with being deep! It's just a description of a place! It's by way of being a sly joke! In the name of all that's fucking holy talking to you is such a waste of time... You have the considered subtlety of a jackhammer in a tin hut.
Interesting imagery. I'm not certain that I follow it completely, but I do like it.
The language seems a little too pretty for Putney; but that doesn't take away too much.
Stop commenting at the same time I am commenting. It makes it seem like we're the same person!!!!!!!!111
Sorry!!!!!!! Won't happen again !!!!!$$$muchogas$$$
I really never thought in my life I would read so many poems about birds. You make merry old England sound so boring!!
very elegiac. 'bird beshitten' is fantastic.
This was good, though of course technically Fulham don't live here any more-Loftus Road is their new abode
I know. How sad the Cottage is gone. This was written back in the good old days before Fulham residents decided they don't like the only interesting thing in their neighbourhood.
smooth. a picture painted for those who watch the waters yet relate to the vivid characterization and imagery
Wonderful. Sort of. 9.
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