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The Hermit on the Thoroughfare (Free verse) by http://mulberryfairy
In this room of living affectionate appliances mingle with the hermit her mortal pelvis vibrates from the deafening impacts of 16 wheeled vehicles hurled into potholes on their quest to deliver nourishment to Midcoast brethren. Those brethren will push their carts, solo gathering and hunting in Shaws’ aisles not realizing the way their food has related, palpated the hermit’s abdomen as intimately as a uterus full of secret fetus: kicking, tickling, flickering, hinting of mortal company to come. But company won’t come to the hermit. She interacts only with her cubed trinity: a silver box speaks her language with a digital accent a black box radiates sustenance to sterile enzymelessness a white box preserves frigidity. Her front door opens onto two feet of littered sidewalk and, just beyond, Route 1 stares. Concourse to thousands of Mainers and tourists who donate soot stains to her siding like Passover blood, and gritty black dust that creeps through the cracks onto the baseboards of her living room. Their soot will engage the hermit, but the living will never visit.

Up the ladder: untitled
Down the ladder: Complaints

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5648
Posted: January 10, 2006 8:57 PM PST; Last modified: January 10, 2006 8:57 PM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 11-Jan-06/11:15 AM | Reply
"mortal pelvis" is an odd combo; how can a pelvis be anything but?
[8] zodiac @ 209.193.18.100 > <~> | 11-Jan-06/11:21 AM | Reply
Divine Pelvis. Mmmmmmmm....
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > zodiac | 11-Jan-06/11:23 AM | Reply
exactly.
but on a hermit?
[8] zodiac @ 209.193.18.100 > <~> | 11-Jan-06/11:24 AM | Reply
Let me ask you, when exactly IS the last time you saw God outdoors?
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > zodiac | 11-Jan-06/11:27 AM | Reply
i've never seen god. you?
[8] zodiac @ 209.193.18.100 > <~> | 11-Jan-06/11:30 AM | Reply
No. But I hear She throws great parties.
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > zodiac | 11-Jan-06/11:33 AM | Reply
kinda like Gatsby.
[8] zodiac @ 209.193.18.100 > <~> | 11-Jan-06/11:36 AM | Reply
Ace. My vote for God metaphor of the year.
[7] Dovina @ 17.255.240.6 | 11-Jan-06/2:01 PM | Reply
Some commas needed. Using some, implies they're all there, but no, I think.
[7] ecargo @ 167.219.0.143 | 12-Jan-06/2:47 PM | Reply
Some good details (I like the cubed trinity) but a lot to process. Not sure I get the connection btwn food and birth (elimination?). I think you could drop the first two lines and do a little paring elsewhere.
[8] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > ecargo | 15-Mar-06/2:59 PM | Reply
-=Dark_Angel=- could make that connection, I believe. "46 million babies a year" springs to mind.
Cool poem, female trucker sprang to mind.
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