Letting go

The wholly absent becomes a void, through a dynamic of physics it happens. And now, in the nowhere, traces of you fade. From an October to another in one year, I have to stretch to reach you, in the eternity that passed this way. Still particles of light remain in the molecular deconstruction of my heart. Wavering like the sound of your breath close in my ear, it's voice over science now through space and time from Madrid-Moscow-Milan or wherever, God knows, you are. I can’t coordinate your becoming. Over in my mind I replay the You I knew, dreaming the You who again I might one day again find. The thing is we missed us in this shared nowhere, in what before was ours. Our shameful way of loving our private way of knowing our promises to each other our taking and our giving has become imperceptible to the naked eye, through the barrelling dynamic of physics. Does the heart grow fonder? Now I wonder. Or does it hold on stronger in its beating, when one has gone his own way? At night undercover in my thoughts, I see what a pattern seems to me of dreams streaming on before this you, or is it all you now, squeezed into a little speck travelling at light speed? A strange sense of watching my heart, as it fades from my view reminds me of those stars, that we still see, but have really died away, so many light years ago. Oktober Mockba 2005